Terrell Owens Targeted by Unfair Media

Owens answers questions from journalist meanies.

Owens answers questions from journalist meanies.

Terrell Owens, the much maligned superstar wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills, recently lashed out at the sports media, claiming they were trying to goad him into making controversial statements.  He recently sat down with EJSIC to further explain.

“The media, man, they need me to say crazy things because it sells papers.  I mean, when they ask me if I was happy on 9/11, what am I supposed to say?  If I say yes, I’m an asshole.  If I say no, I’m dodging their questions.  It’s a lot of pressure, and I’m tired of it.

Owens, who has had trouble with teammates and coaches on his previous teams in San Francisco, Philadelphia, and most recently, Dallas, has mostly kept a low profile as a member of the Bills.  When his 185-consecutive game catch streak came to an end, the media wanted to know why.

“The media kept asking questions wanting to know if I’m getting enough touches.  Look, I just run the routes as they call the plays.  That’s all I can do.  Next thing I know the media’s trying to get on me to take a stance on my Holocaust denial.  That’s messed up, dude.  I’m just here to play football and catch touchdowns.”

Trent Edwards, Owens’ quarterback, contends Owens has been a fine teammate.  He says he thought he understood the weight of Owens’ fame before, but after seeing it up close, he says he’s amazed what Owens has to deal with.

“The media scrutiny Terrell deals with is unbelievable.  At every turn they are trying to get him to say I’m not getting him the ball enough, or that coach isn’t making the right play calls, or to confirm that he has the world’s third-largest snuff film collection.  It’s insanity really.  I think he should be commended for handling it all with such class and dignity.”

Encyclopedia Brown: The Rest of the Story

encyclopedia_brownIf you’re like me, you grew up reading the dazzling tales of young Leroy “Encyclopedia” Brown and the petty crimes he solved in his town.  We all knew that Encyclopedia Brown was a very bright young man with a future filled with promise. But things went very wrong somewhere along the way.

Some of you may know what happened to Mr. Brown when he grew up and left his home on Rover Avenue. But for those who have not heard this tragic story, allow me to fill you in. See, after high school, young Mr. Brown moved to Chicago to enroll at Northwestern University, where he had been accepted into their criminology program.

Unfortunately, Mr. Brown, being lonely and far from home, began running with the wrong crowd. He longed for a sense of belonging, and soon became addicted to gambling. He would spend his nights shooting dice on the south side of town, widely known to be the most unsavory part of the city.

Leroy, being extremely bright, but also physically imposing (you see, he stood about six foot-four) soon became something of a minor crime king in south Chicago. Those who knew the town well would tell you that you had better just beware of Mr. Brown when entering his neighborhood. As Leroy became more successful, his tastes grew more exotic, and his lifestyle became flashier. He drove a customized Continental, and also had an El Dorado.  He began wearing very fancy clothes, and he developed a particularly expensive taste for diamond rings, which he would show off at every opportunity.

Leroy’s new life was also a violent one. He was known to carry a .32 in his pocket, which he claimed was “for fun”, and he was rumored to hide a razor in his shoe. This new life was a far cry from the quiet suburbia of his youth. Leroy, in addition to his gambling and living on the outer edges of the law, was also a bit of a ladies’ man. As mentioned, he was of above-average height, and his stature and persona made him a hit with the fairer sex. Just as much as women loved him, men respected (and feared) him. In fact, the women of downtown referred to him as “Treetop Lover”, while the men just called him “sir.”

It seems that these tales always have a sad ending, and this one is no exception. You see, Leroy’s success in the seedy streets of Chicago soon went to his head. He became increasingly arrogant, and developed a strong sense of entitlement. One Friday night, he was at a bar, shooting dice as usual. At the edge of the bar sat a girl named Doris. And by all accounts, Doris was highly attractive. Leroy began paying attention to her, but Doris had a jealous husband who took exception to Leroy’s advances.  Soon the two men began fighting, and one witness later said that in the aftermath “Leroy looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone”.

Obviously, Leroy’s parents were inconsolable. They had long since lost touch with the child they raised – the bright young man who was always helping solve crimes out of his homespun detective agency.  But they always held out hope that he would get back on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, his stubborn pride and his insistence on being the, as he described it “baddest man in the whole damn town” made this an impossibility, and he breathed his dying breath on the floor of some dirty Chicago bar.

RIP, Leroy. We hardly knew ye.

Luke Warm Linkage

Whatever you do, don’t bend over in front of these links.

Sports

  • The Chinese want their own Tiger Woods. My guess is they’ll be wanting our women and children next.
  • Kentucky pops Tim Tebow’s cherry.
  • You’ll have a lot of fun with this. I know you will.

POP

Politics

  • Do terrorists really have no dignity at all? Feel free to drop your anal one-liners in the comments section.

Luke Warm Linkage

Mel Gibson and his beaver from TMZ.com

So… the links are late. I blame the media.

Sports

  • Provocative and combative personality accuses the media of making him out to be provocative and combative.
  • Japanese Baseball has-been signs on with ESPN.
  • Tom Cable has a mean right.

POP

  • Pepsi decides advertising is a waste of time. (The Onion)
  • Mel Gibson plays with his beaver.
  • This game will totally destroy your productivity and you won’t care.

Poltics

Royals Fans Surprised That Season Is Not Over

KANSAS CITY – Julie Fisher was flipping through the TV channels Monday night looking for something to watch when she stumbled upon something that shocked her.  A Royals game.

“I thought the season was over,” Fisher remarked.  “Greinke won [Sunday] and that was it, right?”

When told that there were, in fact, six games remaining (3 in New York and 3 in Minnesota,) Fisher didn’t know how to respond.

Two fans watch a Royals game

Two fans watch a Royals game

Jason Allen of Lenexa, had an equally surprised but altogether different reaction when he saw Monday’s game on TV.  “We were playing the Yankees.  They’re pretty good, right?  I thought for a minute that maybe we had made the playoffs,” he said without a hint of irony. “But, then I remembered that you don’t make the playoffs just because you DON’T lose 100 games.”

This is not a new phenomenon.  In a poll, several fans admitted to thinking the season had ended as far back as June.  Conceding it can be hard to keep track of when exactly the season ends, Craig Bartlett, a Raytown police officer,  said “That’s the great thing about this team.  Just when you think they aren’t playing anymore, they show up and play another game or two.  It keeps the fans on our toes.”

However, Bartlett wasn’t all optimistic.  “It probably would be better if the season DID end earlier.  I mean, yeah they played the Yankees tonight, but they lost, didn’t they?  The season’s way too long as it is.  Why should we have to suffer more?”

The Royals did lose to the Yankees, 8-2.

Like most conversations with Royals fans in September, talk soon turned to the team’s neighbors…the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs.  Bartlett admitted that it was a dour subject and seemed to grow increasingly melancholy while reminiscing.  “We had a rough one last season.  But that’s over now, too.  The people of Kansas City can rest and look to tomorrow.”

When told that there were still 14 weeks to go in the Chiefs’ season, he abruptly ended the interview and hung up the phone.  Return calls were not answered.

Bucs Hope Johnson Comes Up Big

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers played perhaps the worst game of football in the history of the game this past Sunday. They managed to run only 36 offensive (pronounce it as you see fit) plays the entire game. The Giants, on the other hand, controlled the ball for over 43 minutes. The Bucs were 0 for 9 on third down conversions. Succinctly, it was every bit as bad as anything the Lions managed during their 19 straight games of futility.

Bucs will need Johnson to perform admirably to please all of their fans

The Bucs will need their Johnson to perform admirably to please all of their fans.

So, with Byron Leftwich unable to perform, the Bucs have turned their attention to second year quarterback, Josh Johnson. Johnson went 4 for 10 for 36 yards on Sunday. You might be thinking, that’s not a very impressive performance by Johnson, but it is by far the best effort these old Bucs have put forth in a while.

So, if the Bucs have any post-season aspirations, they’ve decided to trust Johnson to perform well enough to get them there.

Bucs coach, Raheem Morris said, “He’s got to be huge. We really need him to come on strong and just nail this new role we’re asking him to fill. Did I say role or hole? I meant role.”

So, best wishes to Johnson. The Bucs have everything riding on you.