Luke Warm Linkage

Watch out, Raffi! He’s in the bushes!

The Weekend in Haiku

Tar Heel football team
Apparently think they have
Joined the SEC
It is ironic
Tiger couldn’t miss a hole
And now can’t find one
The bases loaded
ManRam sees a single pitch
Then gets himself tossed
Brett Favre throws two picks
Also loses a fumble
Brett’s just being Brett
The Nationals bet
Their future on Strasburg’s arm
Modern Family
Owns the Emmy awards show
Julie Bowen: Mmmm.
Finally football
Will rescue us from August –
Where sport goes to die

Luke Warm Linkage

That really puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it?

The Roger Clemens “No” Phenomenon

Former Major Leaguer Doug Glanville has a great article up on on why a player like Roger Clemens continues to deny PED use, likely, at his own expense. Here’s an excerpt:

Eventually and, inevitably, reality comes down like a judge’s gavel. You’re unmasked, and this time, you can’t take a PED to escape the consequences. Once your career has ended, you have lost all the tools of retaliation for your frustration. You are no longer able to brush back the pesky nine-hole hitter or hit that 450-foot home run and wait for the press to sit on your every word. You are an outsider. Even to yourself.

Everything you dreamed of as a kid and achieved as an adult is about to be lost. Your name is at stake and so is your legacy. So what do you do?

Simple. You answer reporters, the commissioner’s investigators and congressmen with the same answer you’ve always used: “No.”

It’s a great read on a lazy Sunday spent longing for football season to start.

Flop’s Five Things

What's missing from this comic? Absolutely nothing.

After some consternation, I’ve decided that Flop’s Five Things will be featured weekly instead of nightly. I know I promised I would tuck you all in every night, but the limits of the space time continuum have gotten in the way. Maybe someday… Until then, here are the Five Things I learned this week.

  1. First off, I learned that Elin Nordgren is either the most innocently naive woman on the planet or she’s just not paying attention. In her interview with People magazine, the blond beauty claims to have had no idea that Tiger was cheating on her. When you consider the fact that El Tigre was basically banging anything with a pulse for about 5 years, including dirty ginger Perkins waitresses, that’s kind of baffling.
  2. I found out that Jay Mariotti is as big of a douche in real life as he is in print, as the ESPN and AOL Fanhouse personality was arrested for physically assaulting his girlfriend in a hotel lobby. While I obviously can’t say that I’m happy that a woman was abused, the fact that I’ll likely no longer have to see Mariotti’s bloated mackerel face on Around the Horn does bring a gentle wind of peace to my zen garden.
  3. This week I learned that the Reds are here to stay, if for no other reason than the Cardinals have managed to be even more inept over the past two weeks. Still, with a 4 game lead in the Central with a little over a month left in the regular season, it’s a great time to be a Reds fan. As history has shown us, if you can just get to the playoffs there’s a good chance that you can make it to the World Series in the mediocre National League. It could happen…
  4. I also learned that 2 fails can cancel each other out. I’m guessing that one of them would have failed a little harder if he’d been driving a car instead of riding a bike, though.
  5. Finally, I learned that Garfield may actually be more interesting if you take Garfield out of the comic. Poor John Arbuckle. Will he ever be at peace?

I wish you all a short and non-productive Friday and a long, even less productive weekend. See you on Monday.

I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 57

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
I’ve been a part of some truly great breakups. And some that are memorable, but I wasn’t such an asshole. But in some cases, I fail to see how I am in any way responsible. Sure, I have a tendency to exacerbate situations by acting out or doing something so passive aggressive that the girl literally erupts in a firey ball of fury with glowing eyes. Ok, not that literally, but I’ve seen a lot of women display that raw emotion of murderous rage and every time it scares me so badly that I end up with sleep paralysis or actually just some disturbing dreams.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

So, while every single relationship I’ve ever been in has come to an end, they haven’t all ended in such a firey, drunken, rage-filled tantrum. And like I said, I am pretty sure I am not to blame in the least. As some background, a childhood friend of mine from Mexico was getting married so I invited my girlfriend, The Genius. She really was a very smart girl. And she decided not to go with me to a wedding in Mexico.

This wedding would be full of my friends from my childhood. But The Genius wanted no part of it. Instead, she planned a weekend at the beach with some of her friends. Needless to say, that raised some red flags for me, but even though I didn’t really trust her motives, I trusted her so I wasn’t going to get in a fight about it. Instead, I made my flight reservations for one.

When that weekend finally rolled around, I flew down to Mexico and The Genius took off for the beach with her friends. We agreed we’d talk if we had cell reception and free time. Since the wedding was full of friends I had known my whole life, I got there on Thursday for a party, then Friday was the rehearsal dinner, and Saturday the wedding and reception. Likewise, The Genius left for the beach on Thursday for four days of drinking and laying on the beach.

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