Now I know what you’re thinking… “Is my wife getting fat?… Why does my neighbor look at me that way?… What am I having for lunch today?… Are the fucking Yankees going to win the World Series again, and is that dumbass Tim Tebow really a virgin?”
And I bet you’re also wondering why the hell anyone would preview a college basketball team as irrelevant as Wisconsin?
Well NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!
Wisconsin may not be a national championship contender, but hey, neither is Kentucky and that didn’t stop Elitist Jerk Flop from orgasming all over his keyboard and writing 2000 words about his Wildcats.
Unlike Kentucky and about 340 other programs, the Wisconsin Badgers have played in 11 consecutive NCAA tournaments, reaching a Final Four, an Elite Eight, and several Sweet Sixteens. And during that run they have been unappreciated and under-preseason-previewed nearly the whole time.
The media that follows the Big Ten (yes assholes, there is such a thing), only publishes preseason predictions for the top three finishers. Per tradition, this October the media predicted that the Badgers would not reach the 2010 Big Ten regular season medal round. But that should not serve as any indication that Wisconsin will not be awesome this year. In the previous ten seasons, Wisconsin has only been ranked in the top three of their conference in the preseason twice, yet the Badgers have three Big Ten titles and two second place finishes in that period.
What I am trying to say is that you should pay good attention to the gibberish the Sensei is about to write. There’s a picture of a hot girl doing a beer-bong at the bottom too.
Here is your Badger basketball preview:
Both of Wisconsin’s starting Forwards from the past three seasons graduated last year, and Marcus Landry and Joe Krabbenhoft will be sorely missed. Their hustle, hard work, fearlessness, and assgrabability made them the Sensei’s two favorite players.
6-6 awesome white guy Tim Jarmusz and 6-10 awesome white guy Jon Leuer will try to fill their spots. Both Juniors averaged about 20 minutes per game off the bench last season, with Jarmusz shoting 48% FG and 42% 3P and Leuer shooting 47% FG with 3.8 RPG. According to hearsay reliable sources, both have added muscle this offseason and both are primed for their most productive seasons in Madison thus far.
Those two Juniors will be joined in the starting lineup by Senior guards Trevon Hughes and Jason Bohannon. Both are entering their third seasons as starters and neither has proven himself to be a reliable scorer, assist maker, rebounder, or leader yet. Hughes has had his share of memorable moments as a Badger and Bohannon is capable of putting on a show if you leave him open to bomb threes, but they both have a lot left to accomplish.
Wisconsin’s fifth starter will probably be 6-8 Junior awesome white guy Keaton Nankavil, who averaged 4.5 points on 48% shooting in 14 minutes last season.
Sophomore Guard Jordan Taylor will back up Hughes and Bohannon in the backcourt, while 6-10 Redshirt Freshman awesome white guy Jared Berggren and 7-1 Redshirt Freshman awesome white guy Ian Markolf are the likely backups for the three awesome white guys starting in the frontcourt.
Wisconsin only has four players from its own state this season, along with four from neighbor Minnesota. The rest of the team hails from New York, Arizona, Texas, Ohio, Iowa, and Illinois.
Bo Ryan is perhaps the best coach in all of NCAA sports, the student section is dominant at drinking and cheese eating, the Kohl Center is working on the second longest home sellout streak in the nation, and Wisconsin is more than capable of throwing a whitewash on the court this season.
Congratulations for reading this far; there is a lot to look forward to from the Badgers this season!
God I love fried cheese curds.
I missed what you wrote and I think my keyboard is ruined. Thanks.
It’s not like Kentucky made 17 consecutive tournaments before last season or any…. wow… That girl can’t really be from Wisconsin. She’s obviously spent time in the sun.
“Wisconsin may not be a national championship contender, but hey, neither is Kentucky and that didn’t stop Elitist Jerk Flop from orgasming all over his keyboard and writing 2000 words about his Wildcats.”
…
Awesome.
Are you sniffing mice farts, about your article that UK isn’t as good as UW? You can’t be fucking serious are you…..Hell your team will be lucky to beat IU or Penn St. this year….And Flop you’re right about that girl not being from Wisconsin…..She doesn’t have a bag over her head
Al
Thanks for your concern. I really don’t think a mice fart would be potent enough to affect me or my writing very much. I never actually said that Wisconsin would be better than Kentucky. I said neither were national championship contenders. I’ll be sure to pass on your comments about bag-girl.
All the best,
The Sensei
well folks.. just my observation.. (aside from digging the double fisted kung fu grip on the beer bong mind you)..
i am pretty sure that wisconsin starts with a W followed by an i
her breast.. er top looks like it starts with maybe S D (maybe SDSU??), i am just guessing here that she is not a wisconsin gal..
and would wisconsin have a cheerleader / pom girl wearing addias sox with nike shoes..
hell if you are gonna root big ten, why not Minnesota – (yeah it is more fun to say gopher, than badger – but weasel and beaver are always funnier)….
[...] posted here: EJSIC College Basketball Season Preview: Wisconsin | The Elitist … By admin | category: basketball, college basketball | tags: also-wondering, [...]
The girl’s shirt says “SCONNIE” – a popular shirt in madison. There’s another shirt top left that says WISCO.
al your a fag and so are you elmo. if you notice the cup in the background of the pic has a wisconsin logo on it and the girl to the left has a wisco t-shirt. how stupid are you two?
For all of you badmouthing Wisconsin women, you’ve heard accurate stories. The state is full of beasts. BUT if you take a trip to Madison, be prepared to see some of the hottest women in the US. That is a special town full of some incredible girls.
matt..
i checked out the “sconnie” thing looks like a marketing ploy
http://www.citydictionary.com/WI/Madison/Sconnie/2/
which might mean that the blond bongin the beer probably was not a local – sorta like the dookie’s – they are not local folks.. if she is then my hats off to Jose.. and i may head north at some point this winter.. WEG
also.. i am guessing if i were the fag you claim me to be.. would i be discussing her breast and two handed grasp on the situation.. maybe matt you are not in your own sexual comfort zone, but that is your own trip.. but as for me, i am backin al as the cats have a much higher chance for the final four than the badgers..
ps.. jimmy thanks for educating me on badger terminology
pps.. in my tv market, if we get big 10 er 11 it is almost always tOSU, so we are sorta out of the loop for the rest of the teams….
Elmo,
Sconnie Nation was started by UW-Madison students a few years ago. http://www.sconnie.com/
The shirt the girl is wearing is Sconnie apparel and she is most certainly drinking in Madison.
Hope this helps.
sensei,
thanks for the heads up.. as you are a big televen guy how would you rank the conference from your favorite team to your least favorite team to watch.. (overall, not sport specific).
thanks
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[...] released their poll of the top 10 most popular college basketball programs in the country. …EJSIC College Basketball Preview Series: Wisconsin | The …Now I know what you're thinking… Is my wife getting fat?… Why does my neighbor look at me that [...]