The collective soul of American sports is dangerously close to going to hell. In June, we saw the Los Angeles Lakers win the NBA title and Wednesday night the New York Yankees clinched their 27th World Series. We’re one franchise away from having the three biggest bandwagon fan bases in American sports all win a championship in a twelve month period. And that franchise is none other than the Dallas Cowboys.
Can you imagine what would happen to our sports if the Cowboys win the Super Bowl in February? The little man’s fears of being overrun by big brother would come true. Championships bought and paid for in greenbacks as well as billion dollar venues would be regarded as the way to build a team. We’d come closer to creating our own black hole than CERN did when it tried to recreate the big bang.
To put it bluntly, American sports would undergo an apocalypse. Would there be room for the little Tampa Bay Rays who went from worst to first through the draft and an emphasis on fundamental baseball? Will we ever see the eighth seeded Golden State Warriors upset the top seed Dallas Mavericks? Could a small market NFL team like Jacksonville compete?
Reading through this entry, you may be saying: “Michael, what’s so bad about being a fan of those teams?” I grant you, they have all been very successful. They also dominate their respective leagues financially, some more than others. However, the worst thing about each franchise is their fans. I’m not talking about the guy who grew up three blocks from Yankee Stadium or the lifelong Texan with the ten gallon hat or even the west coast hippie with season tickets who never stays for the whole game no matter how interesting. I’m talking about that overweight loser in mid America who somehow became a fan of three of the most successful franchises in professional sports.
Let’s examine a typical fan of each team:
A. Cowboys fan
Notice the tat with the years of all five Cowboy SBs
B. Yankees fan
Would a true Yankees fan date a Red Sox gal?
C. Lakers fan
Notice how the bandwagoner wears the hat backwards to appear both fly and a true fan.
Notice anything similar? Better yet, can you find a difference? For all we know, that could be the same guy at different phases of life. It’s ridiculous and it’s not what sports are supposed to be. What happened to the fan I described above? Where is the guy (or gal) who lives and dies by every pitch, free throw, and touchdown? Why can’t we see the true fans celebrating these championships?
America, I warn you now: start rooting for someone else to win the Super Bowl. Dallas hasn’t looked like the best team so far, but their one hot streak away from being contenders with the talent they have. Our system can’t handle it. It would be bandwagon overload. We’d have more fat guys jumping around acting like complete morons than if McDonald’s suddenly became free. America neither wants nor needs that.
Note to any Notre Dame fans: You all can thank the current state of your football program for not being on this list. If you were any threat at all to a national championship, you would’ve been included. As it is, only Lou Holtz believes in you.
