EJSIC’s Rocket to the Sun 2009

I hate people.

And the more famous and constantly-in-my-face they are, the more I hate them.  So, I have decided to bring my favorite little piece of escapist fantasy to this forum to share with you, our dear readers.

The concept is simple.  There is a rocket.  That rocket is going to be launched directly into the sun.  There are 7 seats on the rocket.  Who sits in those seats?

You can put anyone that you wish on the rocket.  Candidates should widely and grandiosely contribute nothing to society as a whole and usually be annoying to the point of cartoonish unbelievability.  Honorees who have punched a ticket on my personal launches in the past include Paris Hilton,  Alex Rodriguez, Mel Gibson and all members of the band Nickelback.

But, now we’re going public with this.  In this inaugural edition of the EJSIC version of Rocket to the Sun, I submit the following passengers:

kanye-west-shades1 1. Kanye West – This one’s easy. He’s the center of the universe anyway, so he can now take his stupid shades and vocoder with him when he goes to the ACTUAL center of the universe.

speidi270-thumb-270x270 2. and 3. Speidi – Honestly, the only reason I even know who these two are is because of The Soup.  And even the comedic value of Joel’s constant bashing isn’t enough to keep this self-absorbed faux-celeb couple’s seats empty on this trip.

6a00d83454a03269e201156f8e8880970c-800wi 4. Carrie Prejean - Your 15 minutes are up, honey.  Time to go bye-bye.

040521_emmerich_vmed_12p.widec 5. Roland Emmerich – Let’s see him write and direct a horrible movie about this experience.

chad-johnson 6. Chad Johnson – Sure, he’s been relatively quiet lately.  But I am making up for the fact that I didn’t immediately put him on the first available rocket after he changed his name to “eight five” and expected us all to just go along with it.

mary-murphy-hairstyle-lgn 7. That middle judge from So You Think You Can Dance – Good God, make it stop.

So, that’s my rocket.  Who would go on yours?

6 thoughts on “EJSIC’s Rocket to the Sun 2009

  1. Copernicus approves of this post. But let’s be honest, the idea that a star in our solar system is the center of the universe is only slightly less crazy than suggesting that we are created in God’s image.

    And my 7: That skanky Alaskan governor, Kim (my personal nemesis who is only my nemesis because she actually serves no function on this planet except to eat too much and say stupid things that I then have to correct, taking up too much of my day), Jon and Kate Gosselin, Nadia Suleman (yea, I can’t send two bad people without sending someone who’s even worse), Ahmedinajad – the guy in Iran with no actual power but he gives inflammatory speeches, and Larry King (how dare he attack Carrie Prejean so maliciously without letting up. I’m sure Hannity will protect her from his lucid interrogation style).

  2. As long as Larry can still air his show from the Sun…I’m okay with it.

    And also, “center of our galaxy” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

  3. 1. The Robot for Fox NFL Football (I know, he’s computer-generated, but he’s completely useless and annoying)
    2. Miley Cyrus
    3. “New York” from “Flava-of-love”
    4. Brett Michaels
    5. Bill O’Reilly
    6. Paris Hilton
    7. Michelle Malkin

  4. Pingback: EJSIC’s Rocket to the Sun 2010 | The Elitist Jerks' Sports Information Collective

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