Pearl to aid Knoxville Police

Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl has agreed to help Knoxville police in any investigations stemming from the January 1st arrest of four members of Pearl’s squad. Pearl has a well-documented past of luring unsuspecting people into revealing information via recording device.

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Knoxville police chief Sterling Owen announced the decision a few hours after the arrests: “Bruce’s abilities of persuasion are second only to his high judge of character. We believe he’ll be able to talk to his players and determine which one claims ownership of the altered handgun. He’s a professional and he’ll keep the conversation casual which should help convince a jury that this information wasn’t obtained by force.”

At this time, we’ve been unable to extract the necessary information. Our plan is to have Bruce wired and allow him to visit with each player as if he was acting as a legal representative. Of course, we’ll be listening the whole time and hopefully one admits to ownership or three of them rat.”

Pearl was unavailable for contact, but his agent spent a few minutes with EJSIC: “Bruce has always loved the adrenaline rush of going undercover. He’s done it before and Knoxville police were really comfortable using a guy who already knows the basics and doesn’t need to be trained. He won’t chicken out. There’s no boundary Bruce isn’t willing to cross in a situation like this. Ethics? This is bigger than ethics. This is real life.”

Neither KPD nor Pearl’s representative were willing to discuss the future of the basketball players. An indefinite suspension seems likely until more details are revealed. Stay tuned to EJSIC for any new information.

3 thoughts on “Pearl to aid Knoxville Police

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  2. This actually was a setup by ESPN. They rented the car, left the marijuana smell, and planted the guns, in order to be able to draw attention away from all the arrests that have occurred at Florida. Because eventually people would realize that Tebow is either not that good of a person, or a crappy leader, if they had to mention the lack of discipline and personal responsibility in those thugs at Florida.

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