First Annual EJSIC March Madness Bandwagon Support Contest

Hello friends, this is Small Arms McGee, Sports Czar to President Obama.

As you may know, barring a small miracle, the North Carolina Tar Heels will not be participating in the NCAA Tournament this year.  It’s a catastrophe that makes Haiti look no more important than minor annoyances like Hurricane Katrina and that tsunami that happened that time, wherever that was.  Who can really remember?

Anyway, to enhance my own personal enjoyment of the 2010 Big Dance, I am offering my support to the fanbase who can make the best argument for why I should support their team during the most wonderful time of the year (Sorry, Christmas, but you know it’s true).

Just imagine me climbing aboard. Next stop: Titletown!

My resume speaks for itself.  By my estimation, 1990 was the first year I was old enough to really appreciate how perfect a sporting event the NCAA Tournament is, and it was when I first realized that those guys in baby blue were the people I admired, and that those dorks in dark blue and cow-sexers in red were the enemies.

In 20 years, the team I support has won the tournament thrice.  Yes, I said thrice.   That’s a 15% chance of winning the tournament that I bring to the table for your team before Selection Sunday even happens.  Think about that for a second.  Who else can offer you that?  Well, I suppose a Duke fan could.  But would you really trust a Duke fan with something this important?

Exactly.

So, please, if you care about your team’s happiness, make your case in the comments section below, or by email at smallarmsmcgee@gmail.com.  I’ll be the biggest fan you’ve ever had (for up to three weeks), and I guarantee a successful and prosperous NCAA Tournament for you and yours.  What do you have to lose?

In addition to my temporary yet white-hot affection and support, the winning entry is eligible to win one free item from the Jerk Store.  Unfortunately, EJSIC sex toys are not yet available.  We hope to have them in stock for The Masters.

Disclaimer:  Past performance does not necessarily guarantee future results.  Void where prohibited.  Not available in Lexington, KY.  Not valid with other offers.  May cause anal leakage.

5 thoughts on “First Annual EJSIC March Madness Bandwagon Support Contest

  1. I was thinking of writing a post declaring my bandwagon team for the NCAA tournament. Usually, I would pick an ACC team but that’s a useless exercise because I don’t see any ACC team making it to the Sweet 16 (not even Duke – not that I would EVER pull for them). Now, you’ve kind of written my post, which takes the pressure off and I can just use this as a spring board to announce that I’m throwing the considerable weight of my 341- pound Internet double behind Syracuse.

    Why not Kansas, you wonder? They won in 2008 – that’s enough Rockchalking for me for a decade. Or Kentucky – please, with the exception of our esteemed Flop and a few others, I don’t want to be associated with that fanbase, despite the fact that I like Calipari and Wall. I can’t pull for Texas because that would mean pulling for Rick Barnes. So, that leaves me with Syracuse. And for that reason, I’m no longer dreading the NCAA tournament. I think they have a great shot at winning it all.

    Syracuse fans should be happy about this announcement because since *I* began watching the Tar Heels in 1970, they’ve won the National Title four times. Then there’s the fact that my father has watched them win all 5 national titles. So we bring quite a tradition of good fortune to the Orange.

  2. Glad to have you, Al! Enjoy the ride.

    Beano, I suggest Syracuse or Villanova. Both play as well as a team as any, and neither has more than one National Title, so they wouldn’t be creeping up on your Heels anytime soon.

  3. Just for the record, with UNC out of the running, and seeing as I’m a grad student, I’m pulling for West Virginia*. I love the state and the university, so the tournament won’t be a complete loss. I feel like that’s a pretty strong second favorite school.

    * I hate Huggins.

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