It’s that time of year again.
The leaves have all turned. There’s a crisp coolness in the air. The premature sounds of a random Christmas song or two are already permeating our collective brains. College basketball has started.
And, it’s time to launch some more jack socks into oblivion.
As with last year’s inaugural EJSIC rocket, the guidelines remain the same. If society at large is done with them. If they have long outlived their actual or perceived welcome. If they are just generally douche bags who are beyond salvation. Simply surprise them with the gift that keeps on giving…a ticket on a theoretical rocket that is launched directly into the sun.
1. Kate Gosselin – After years of waiting standby only to get bumped at the last minute, Ms. Gosselin’s ticket is finally punched. Not only will her presence on the rocket benefit most of humanity, but I’m pretty sure her 500 kids will be better off without her constant fame-mugging as well. (ht: Jose Kortez)
2. Brett Favre – My sincerest apologies for not having the old gray tool on an earlier trip. Perhaps we all could have been spared the omnipresent media coverage and..um…unwanted personal details had I acted sooner. Forgive me.
3. Justin Bieber - The kid is a punk. He has terrible hair. He sings like a howler monkey. And, in 6 years, he’ll be dead from an overdose anyway. So, I’m doing him a favor, really.
4. Christine O’Donnell – That was way too close, Delaware. Let’s make sure this never happens again, okay?
5. The Wonder Pets – I recently had a child. If my son is to grow up in a loving and nurturing environment and become a man that contributes great things to this world…the Wonder Pets simply cannot exist. Technically, I know there are 3 of them, but they are small and won’t take up much room. And when they start singing 2 seconds into the flight, the other passengers will more than likely pick them off one at a time anyway.
6. Kobe Bryant - Alright. You’ve proved your point. Now retire…or vaporize. Either one.
7. Charlie Sheen – Honestly, I have nothing against Charlie. I like Charlie. His seat on this rocket has nothing to do with his personal antics. But, it DOES have everything to do with the fact that his extinction is apparently the only thing that will get Two and a Half Men off the air once and for all.
That’s my rocket for 2010. As always, dear readers, let me know who would go on yours.