Guest Jerks

These Jerks drop in from time to time just to screw with you.

His Headness, Hat Model

His Headness is a product of the public schools of South Carolina. While in the 3rd grade, he was given honorable mention for art in the local newspaper for a poem he submitted that happened to be written inside a hand drawn Christmas ornament. His thirst for sports can be attributed to the fact that his parents watched sports on TV every night growing up. Unfortunately, this resulted in His Headness being deprived of normal childhood entertainment. This culminated in a viewing of the entire Boy Meets World series during his sophomore year of college. After graduating from a college in a state that is basically Canada, he moved back to the dirty south to share his expertise in dice games and horse grazing.

Stimulus Package, Exciterer

The details of my life are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Shred Torn, Cultural Ninja

Bio coming soon.

Peno Noir, Savored

Bio coming soon.