Vagabond Joe: Armageddon Interrupted or How the Marlins Saved the World

The world is safe for now.

In the second round of the 2003 Major League Playoffs, baseball and the world sat on the verge of history. The Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox BOTH were within 5 outs of meeting each other in the World Series. This event, as was much publicized, would have meant the end of the world as we know it. Both teams fell short due to strange circumstances, and both teams remain, as some would say, “cursed.”

For those of you know do not know what I am talking about, here is the quick back story. In 1918, the Red Sox sold a certain pitcher name George Herman Ruth aka “Babe” to the hated New York Yankees after winning the World Series. George went on to become the greatest hitter in baseball history and the Yankees went on to win 26 championships. The Red Sox have not won the World Series since. They have come close, but mysteriously, they always fall short. Thus, the “Curse of the Bambino.”

In Chicago, the Cubs have not won it all since 1906. In fact, they haven’t even been to the World Series in over 50 years. The last time they were in the Series, a spectator was removed from Wrigley Field during a game after he and his pet goat caused a disturbance in the stands. He felt persecuted and put a curse on the team and swore that they would never again make it to the World Series. As of last week, they still haven’t.

So, imagine the shock when the possibility of the Red Sox MEETING the Cubs in the World Series arose. One curse would have to be broken. Something would have to give. It’s no wonder that doomsayers were proclaiming the end of the world. Two inherent embodiments of loserdom, meeting on the ultimate winning stage. It was time to repent. The end of the world was truly upon us.

I was caught up in it like so many others. “Is it worth it to see these two lovable losers meet, and risk the earthquakes and fire and brimstone that will surely follow?” I was resigned to say “yes, it was.” My soul was prepared. But, alas, the higher forces in the universe had other plans. Armageddon has been put off for at least another year. And despite your faith and religous beliefs, one thing cannot be diputed: the Florida Marlins were only doing God’s work. The time for the end of the age was simply not upon us, so God sent the Marlins to stop the rumors. By rallying to defeat the Cubs in the 8th inning of game 6 (it was NOT fan interference, by the way) and winning game 7, the Marlins staved off tribulation for now and helped to allow the world as we know it to continue. The Cubs and the Sox simply could not meet in the Series. The hour was not at hand. We may continue to gather our rosebuds.

Some of you may be asking, but what about the Yankees? They beat the Red Sox in game 7. Why aren’t they responsible for saving the planet? That is a moot point. The Yankees victory over the Red Sox had nothing to do with the continuation of our civilization. It had to be the Marlins task. The Yankees can not perform God’s work because He cannot be associated with evil, and it is a well known fact that the Yankees are the source of much evil in this world. Therefore, they had no bearing on the outcome of time. No, it was the Marlins, the brave Marlins who, though veiled as the enemy to the jaded multitudes (myself included), quietly went about the task of saving the world.

Continue fighting the good fight, brave fish. And thank you for your faithfulness and perseverence. And most of all…beat the Yankees!

originally published on 10-20-2003

6 thoughts on “Vagabond Joe: Armageddon Interrupted or How the Marlins Saved the World

  1. Pingback: Yankees Win World Series; Dismantle Team | The Elitist Jerks' Sports Information Collective

  2. Pingback: 10 Most Unforgivable Atrocities of the Past Decade | The Elitist Jerks' Sports Information Collective

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