2011 Oscar Predictions – Vagabond Joe

It’s Oscar time.

Time for Hollywood to slap itself on the back and pretend that its self-importance isn’t laughable.  Time for the elite of the acting world to sit in black-tie judgment (and mock humility) of their peers.  It’s the most over-the-top night in entertainment.

And we couldn’t be more excited.

This year’s Oscars are relatively straight-forward.  The general absence of megalomaniacal directors and politically charged films leave room for an array of interesting subplots.

There are few certainties going into this year’s telecast.  (Christian Bale is as close to a lock as you can get in the Supporting Actor category and The King’s Speech will undoubtedly win a number of undeserving technical Oscars because of, well, the Academy just being too predictable sometimes.)  But, a couple of things are for certain.  Natalie Portman will cry.  And Helena Bonham Carter will look like hot death.

My only regret about this year’s Oscars is that we have to wait until next year to pick Big Mommas for anything.

But, I’ve rambled on enough.   To the picks:

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One Sentence Review: Oscars 2011

Once again, Joe attempts to (completely distract himself from thinking about the Kansas/Kansas St. game from last night and) capture the basic feel for television shows, movies or music in one, brief and often-grammatically-disastrous sentence.   Next up:  the 10 films up for Best Picture at this year’s Oscars.

Inception – I was dreaming when I wrote this so forgive me if it goes astray…..or was I?

The King’s Speech – How Judy Dench was not nominated for (or, on further reflection, wasn’t even in) this movie is just beyond me.

Winter’s Bone – Hey, that meth looks like a good time, am I right?

The Social Network – Witty, artful and occasionally morose…just like any, random day on my Facebook news feed.

Black Swan – Apart from Natalie Portman and the stunning use of mirrors, I was self-hatingly un-wowed.

The Fighter - An altogether average story bolstered by dynamite performances from all fronts.

The Kids Are All Right – Lesbians are just like us…who knew?

127 Hours - James Franco delivers a powerful performance as a trapped hiker who cut his….wait…wasn’t he on General Hospital for a good chunk of last year?

True Grit – The Dude dons an eye patch and hunts down Streisand’s kid with the help of a little girl through a seemingly booze-stanked but stunning wilderness.

Toy Story 3 – The kid in me would have loved this if he hadn’t grown up and abandoned me…when I…needed….forget it, this review is over.