EJSIC would like to congratulate the Alabama Crimson Tide for winning the BCS National Championship*. Your names will be forever written in granite and binary.
Fans have been waiting for this game all season: undefeated and defending national champion Florida versus undefeated Alabama in Hotlanta. As with any high profile SEC match-up, the airwaves will be full of euphemisms to describe the nation’s best conference and the its most beloved player with no professional future.
The Gator and Tide fans are sure to be “lit up” throughout the game so why shouldn’t we casual viewers at home be in a similar state? Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson will
bless curse us with coverage via CBS. The most intolerable duo on television drives audiences to drinking. Without further ado, find your favorite liquor and a shot glass for the 3:30 EST clash of epic college football.
• 1 shot for every mention of the SEC’s second-to-none “speed.” SEC fans and aficionados love to use this ambiguous term to further cement their intergalactic domination.
• 1 shot for recollections of Tebow’s charitable mission work in the Philippines.
• 1 shot for highlights of last years meeting between these same two teams in which the do-no-wrong Tebow brought the Gators back in the 4th quarter.
• 1 shot for all references to the special “relationship” between Tebow and his roommate Riley Cooper.
• 1 shot for every time Gary Danielson admires Alabama running back Mark Ingram for his tough yardage and bravery after being injured last week.
• 1 shot for every wrinkled frown of Nick
Satan Saban caught on camera
Three hours of football and approximately one shot every thirty seconds should make for a great afternoon for us all. If the game is like last seasons, it will be a good one. Remember folks, alcohol poisoning is no joke. Don’t let your drinking buddy sleep it off and keep ‘em on their side. Happy drinking!
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I’m telling you anyway.
- From the “No, I’m not joking” department, Ochocinco plans to start his own news network.
- Florida has looked like crap lately. They’ve been lucky to have some controversial calls go their way the past couple weeks. It’s almost like they need to lose to get their A game back on…
- Speaking of getting lucky… #2 (or #1 depending on your perspective) Alabama had to block a late FG to beat the Mighty Balls.
- Judge tells a woman that her monkey can’t service her.
- “Close Range” video game offers nothing but face shots. (The Onion)