Last week, the country became captivated by Balloon Boy, six year-old Falcon Heene, whose parents started a national panic when they reported to authorities that he had climbed into their Zeppelin-like balloon and sailed away into the Colorado sky. News stations around the country were fixated on the boys story, people watching at home hoped and prayed he would be okay. Then the report came, little Falcon was alive and well, hiding in a box in the attic of the house. What a little jerk.
Bike Boy > Balloon Boy
That’s not even the worst part of the story.
Days later, the family went on Larry King Live where little Falcon let the secret slip, “You guys said we did this for show.” Kids say the darnedest things, don’t they? Now, the parents will probably have charges filed against them.
What lesson should we all take away from this? Well there are a few:
- Keep your kids on a leash, even when in your home. If you don’t want to hang onto the leash then just put the loop over a door knob.
- Kids are to be seen, not heard.
- When searching a house, look in the attic.
- Use your logical thought process. Did you see that balloon? Could it really have lifted a child that high, or at all?
Luke Warm Linkage, the only place where you can see 22 inches of Man without feeling dirty.
- Sam Bradford injures his shoulder again. I guess this is why you don’t come back for another year when you’re a top 10 pick.
- As per Midnight Madness tradition, Duke freshman sacrificed at center court. (The Onion)
- Farting is good for your sex life.
- Cops search the Balloon Boy compound.
- 22 inch man may be the world’s shortest. Looks like your “World’s Tiniest Adult Male Arms” record may be in jeopardy, McGee…
- Alabama Democrats appoint a dead guy to office. My guess is he would have accomplished just as much as the lives ones.
To be fair, they are a lot cooler than most families.
- Man knows more about the Marvel Universe than his own family heritage. (The Onion)
- Balloon Boy’s empty landing ruins family’s crops. I’m guessing a lot of people are going to be sending the attention whore dad a bill for his free publicity.
- This is possibly the most unintentionally creepy video I’ve ever seen.
- In the interest of being fair and balanced, here’s Rush’s take on his total douchebagness and justified rejection by the NFL.
I’m pretty sure that getting tea-bagged is the definition of inequality, but I digress…
- California wants to take away your big screen. Doesn’t that seem a little counter-productive for a state that makes a lot of money off of the entertainment industry?
- Tammy wants to dress like Tommy for her close-up, but her school won’t let her. Talk about picking a losing battle…
- Attention whore reality TV father says he didn’t pretend his son was flying cross country in a balloon for attention. It’s too bad they’ll be interviewing him on every major network now.
- Anna Nicole Smith tried to drown herself in a pool full of her own feces. Haven’t we all tried that at least once, though?