I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 6

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
Having survived high school and, improbably, matriculated to college, I was prepared to take my game to a whole new level. My game wasn’t really about learning. It was more about drinking and picking up women. The second I set foot on South Carolina’s campus, it was beautifully clear that women wouldn’t be an issue. That left beer to worry about. I was pleased to learn about Five Points shortly after unpacking.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

For those who haven’t been to Five Points before, it’s a collection of bars and restaurants in Columbia, SC. And it’s within easy walking distance of USC.

As I’ve pointed out, I was able to make myself appear to be any age on paper, but I still looked like a little kid to anyone with sense. Bartenders don’t get tips for being sensible, so, with my ID, I got in essentially everywhere. The bad news here is that the cops were also well aware of this and raided bars pretty frequently, especially the ones that were more popular with freshmen.

On this particular Thursday night, I had gone out with about 6 friends of mine from the dorms. We had hit a few dive bars and then settled on this one bar that was easy for everyone to get into. A lot of our decision was based on the clientele, which was made up primarily of young women between 17 and 19 years old.

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I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 67

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
In the beginning of college, I was a drinker more than a student, but as I got in to my third year, I realized I needed to do some work to help me stand out to folks who would hire me after graduating. So, I started studying to get my GPA above the 2.76 it had been following my sophomore year. And then I decided that an internship would also help.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Finding an internship as a drunk, exceptionally average college student is remarkably difficult. It turns out that free labor is readily available and people fitting my bill are regarded as criminal threats moreso than the future workforce. So, after some looking, I managed to talk two biologists in to letting me do an internship on a research cruise of theirs. This meant they wouldn’t have to spend 7 weeks at sea and I would have to do a good enough job of collecting samples that they’d be able to publish a paper based on the results.

The boat was set to leave on February 2nd and return on March 24th. This in 1998, so the most horrible part for me was missing UNC’s dream season and then getting back just in time to watch it all fall apart. My parents were good enough to record the UNC Duke game from that year when UNC won by 27 and Vince Carter barely missed what would have easily been the greatest dunk in UNC history.

But more importantly, I was briefed by the two scientists a week before leaving and then, rather than returning to school for my spring semester, I flew out to San Diego, where I made my way to the Naval Yard. The boat I would spend the next 7 weeks on was 224 feet long and would house 28 of us – mostly permanent crew. There weren’t too many rules – the only one of any significance was “no beer.”

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Don’t Waste My Time: Manly Musings of 2/12/11

Can I get a rant in today? Something’s really been eating at me lately. An occurrence from a couple of weekends ago. An individual lucky enough to call himself my drinking buddy and I were at a bar recently, practicing the art of being better than those around us, and these two birds caught our eye, sitting at a booth. They were alone, highly attractive, and may as well have had signs on their backs reading “PLEASE HIT ON ME”.

WARNING: Adult content to follow. By reading on, you verify that you are 18 and are consenting to read adult content.

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