I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 67

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
In the beginning of college, I was a drinker more than a student, but as I got in to my third year, I realized I needed to do some work to help me stand out to folks who would hire me after graduating. So, I started studying to get my GPA above the 2.76 it had been following my sophomore year. And then I decided that an internship would also help.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Finding an internship as a drunk, exceptionally average college student is remarkably difficult. It turns out that free labor is readily available and people fitting my bill are regarded as criminal threats moreso than the future workforce. So, after some looking, I managed to talk two biologists in to letting me do an internship on a research cruise of theirs. This meant they wouldn’t have to spend 7 weeks at sea and I would have to do a good enough job of collecting samples that they’d be able to publish a paper based on the results.

The boat was set to leave on February 2nd and return on March 24th. This in 1998, so the most horrible part for me was missing UNC’s dream season and then getting back just in time to watch it all fall apart. My parents were good enough to record the UNC Duke game from that year when UNC won by 27 and Vince Carter barely missed what would have easily been the greatest dunk in UNC history.

But more importantly, I was briefed by the two scientists a week before leaving and then, rather than returning to school for my spring semester, I flew out to San Diego, where I made my way to the Naval Yard. The boat I would spend the next 7 weeks on was 224 feet long and would house 28 of us – mostly permanent crew. There weren’t too many rules – the only one of any significance was “no beer.”

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Beer Packaging Finally Perfected

We love beer here at EJSIC.

So we are understandably excited to be able to bring you a bit of news from a recent, top-secret summit meeting between America’s top beer producers.   It looks as though all of those packaging enhancements that have been rolled out over the past several years are all soon going to come together in one, awesomely gadgety product.

The following informational one-sheet was believed to have been circulated amongst the attendees for approval:

They then voted on the question  “Shall we move forward with this product?”

“Yes” won.

Voting was apparently unanimous.

You Don't Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight. (And Real Men Don't Wear Pink.)

Apparently the Green Bay Packers thought it would be a good idea to dress up in pretty pink hats and wear pink scarves and wipe their overrated faces with pink towels.

packers pinkIn related news, the Packers are currently getting blown out by their purple clad neighbors, the Minnesota Vikings, and The Sensei is bored as shit despite consuming six Busch Lights and downloading a full episode of milfhunter on his laptop.

Now this may be some sort of breast cancer fundraising effort, but to that I say this: “who cares?”

Breast cancer is for old women and lesbians, and those groups don’t have any basic human rights.

And if you are married to an old woman or a lesbian you have bigger problems than a garbage football team dressed in pink, so please spare EJSIC the hate mail.