The Table of Contents is your portal to all stories Jose. I’ll continue to add to this list as I write more stories.
The Return of Greatness: The story of how a once embarrassing story line came to be and some new information about how it is revived.
Chapter 1: Evil Twin and I make our way from Denver to Laramie, Wyoming but stop in Boulder to get destructively drunk.
Chapter 2: I go to a party at a buddy’s house and I lost my mind on some acid.
Chapter 3: I take a trip to Spain, offend the locals, and end up staring Spanish prison in the face.
Chapter 4: I throw a party, get kicked out of it, crash at my buddy’s place with his parents permission, and suddenly, I’m waking up to a trigger happy cop and several felony counts.
Chapter 5: High school kids make bad decisions and I was no exception, but messing with the DEA and risking time in pound-you-in-the-ass prison is pretty much a low. Mind you, not a personal low.
Chapter 6: As a freshman in college, the police raided a bar I was drinking in while underage and the scene that ensued made me a minor celebrity on campus.
Chapter 7: I spend most of my 21st birthday at a dive bar flirting with a cougar but then I got out of hand and the police decided I wasn’t fit to go home. Ok, I did, but nonetheless, I didn’t go home.
Chapter 8: Irish and I drink far too much, but it’s not until morning when I found out how far over the line he went.
Chapter 9: My car broke down at the corner of Iowa, Nebraska, and Missouri when I was moving to Idaho to start my career working in the potato fields.
Chapter 10: I get surprised by a black bear on the Appalachian Trail. Unfortunately, I failed to notice her two cubs I had walked in front of until it was too late to get out of that situation.
Chapter 11: I take two girls out on a canoe to do some fishing and successfully lodge a hook in my thumb bone and have to cut it out with my deer knife. It may not be intuitive, but the scene that unfolded was hilarious.
Chapter 12: I take Evil Twin out to a bar in Idaho and after drinking our fill, he convinces me to misbehave in public in a manner that draws the ire of the police.
Chapter 13: Is it any surprise that when Evil Twin and I drive across the country on a brewery and National Park tour that we’d end up in Border Patrol custody….twice?
Chapter 14: Evil Twin and I shoot pool while pretending to be women’s tennis players to piss off some Michigan hockey players who were picking on our buddy.
Chapter 15: I took a second job in Idaho thinking I might have a new career, but instead I am forced into retirement.
Chapter 16: I poop my pants in El Prado Museum on a school tour. It seems Montezuma was on the wrong continent that day.
Chapter 17: Have you ever gotten so drunk that you did something out of character, like drive? And then wake up, assuming you wouldn’t do something like that only to call the cops and tell them about it? Yeah…
Chapter 18: I take the dogs jogging on a Saturday morning in California after a night of drinking, but I misjudge how badly I need to use the bathroom and end up with a mess on my hands…and back, and leg, etc.
Chapter 19: This is a solid lesson for kids in college not to mention a fond memory of some love in an elevator and a morning surprise.
Chapter 20: My college graduation party gets completely out of hand. Police, fire engines, near train wrecks, tow trucks, news crews, and intentionally destroying my cousin’s car.
Chapter 21: I’m fooling around with my high school girlfriend and her parents interrupt us. But no worries, I tell the secrets of going from naked to fully dressed in under 5 seconds.
Chapter 22: My buddies laugh at me while a giant girl takes advantage of me.
Chapter 23: I’m drinking after Homecoming in high school. I get a bad taste in my mouth and need some chewing gum. Then, I’m lured outside and raped.
Chapter 24: I’m pursued by a cougar through my buddy’s dorm complex. And the story involves a duck walk.
Chapter 25: I go to a party with Evil Twin where I play the wing man to perfection. Only he struck out and I got raped.
Chapter 26: Helen Hunt and I take a break just in time for me to sleep with Dirty without the guilty conscience. The next morning, Helen Hunt and I make up before I’ve had a chance to shower off the evidence.
Chapter 27: I dump Lovely Lisa and she goes and makes an incredible scene at my favorite watering hole.
Chapter 28: My worst break up ever, likely because I was living with her at the time. But I’m still young…
Chapter 29: I visit Helen Hunt at her mom’s place during a family reunion and we end up having sex on her deck in front of them.
Chapter 30: I backdoor some random Asian chick for 4 hours.
Chapter 31: The cervical biopsy incident.
Chapter 32: My folks bust me with two different girls in the same day.
Chapter 33: Is intercourse ever worth risking your life for? It may have been this time.
Chapter 34: The most awkward sexual experience of my life.
Chapter 35: I go to a bar with a DJ friend of mine for his gig and do a bride-to-be in a filthy, back alley bathroom. And people wonder why I refuse to believe in an afterlife.
Chapter 36: New Year’s Day bowl games on the West Coast. 8:00am start time? Hung over? At Hooters? You know what happens.
Chapter 37: I nearly drown when I pass out drunk at a bluegrass festival in the middle of the woods in Alaska.
Chapter 38: I stay over at this hot chick’s place for the first time and she invites her super hot friend to stay there with us. In the same bed!
Chapter 39: I take a girl to meet my family in NC and then a UNC basketball game. One problem, I need to poop myself on the walk home.
Chapter 40: The most horrible and disgusting story about a one night stand that needs to be told on the internet.
Chapter 41: I get busted selling LSD and apparently, the law frowns on that.
Chapter 42: Doc cock blocks me right as I’m leaving the bar with a girl.
Chapter 43: I ruin our softball season with a misguided relationship with one of my teammates.
Chapter 44: I get myself into a trailer trash skirmish in a battle for a hot chick at the vineyard.
Chapter 45: I get a ride home from an underage girl at a local bar and things get pretty wild.
Chapter 46: The night after that ride home, I met up with her again, but this time I made her cry.
Chapter 47: All-Star saves my life when a copperhead strikes at me deep in the woods on a fishing trip.
Chapter 48: The King and I break the only rule laid down at a New Year’s party. It’s a bad scene on the border of a naval base.
Chapter 49: I go mountain biking after eating a pizza and have some stomach issues. What comes out is so surprising, I needed to poke it with a stick.
Chapter 50: I survive a near-death experience on a flight over Lake Michigan.
Chapter 51: I take the awkwardness of a first date to an entirely new level.
Chapter 52: I turn Helen Hunt into a zombie.
Chapter 53: I dump an immature girl who had a strange view of her self worth.
Chapter 54: I head out looking for elk antlers with a friend and the dogs and end up in a scary run in with a bobcat.
Chapter 55: I date a co-worker amongst others and bring her back to my place to do everything but make an office baby.
Chapter 56: The King and I drop acid and then all hell breaks loose.
Chapter 57: I go to a wedding while my girlfriend goes on a girl’s weekend to the beach. It’s not surprising that we broke up, but how we broke up may have been.
Chapter 58: I learn a lesson in biology after a good anal fingerbanging.
Chapter 59: I stay over at Evil Twin’s parents’ house and disaster strikes in the middle of the night. Very embarrassing.
Chapter 60: What’s red and has 7 little dents in it?
Chapter 61: The tale of one Dirty Sanchez.
Chapter 62: A few games of beer pong get Evil Twin and I ousted from his own fraternity house.
Chapter 63: I get wasted on a private island and end up running around naked with a hippie chick and then destroying a golf cart in a series of drunk driving mishaps.
Chapter 64: Mormons and alcohol don’t mix.
Chapter 65: I meet a girl at a bar and take her back to the hotel room the day before my dad arrives.
Chapter 66: A girl finally knocked me down a peg.
Chapter 67: I get an internship but there’s no alcohol allowed. The next time I had a sip of beer, I broke some records.