One of the rules of good journalism (LOL @ journalism in the Internet age) is to have sources. Lots of sources. One of our most trusted sources, who anonymously goes by fluffy (not even our normal writers at EJSIC know his name), works in the mail room for Julian Assange’s Wikileaks.
As you can imagine, fluffy sees a lot of good stuff on an hourly basis. He’s been kind enough to leak some of the sports-related documents to us.
We’ll release them slowly over time, as not to overwhelm you (the reader) too much in one day. Some were discovered through the hard work of our readers (and they will be credited properly) while our regular contributors discovered others.
If you find any in the coming days, feel free to e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The first leak, as found by loyal reader fluffy, is a series of e-mails between the University of Memphis and the Atlantic Coast Conference.
To: bigeast; bigten; big12; pac 10; ACC; SEC
We need your help. We have to get out of C-USA. Can anyone add us to their conference?
University of Memphis
Subject: RE Help
Thanks for your enquiry. We would love to help, but it has come to our attention that you are no good at football.
Subject: RE Help
So we would fit in well in the ACC.
Our final leak for today was discovered by regular contributor Al Kenmore. The avid Tar Heel fan set to find out the source of Duke’s flopping nature. What she uncovered was astonishing.
Thank you so much for the copy of your recent clinic: “Innovative and Exciting Ways to Make it Appear that an Opponent’s Player Has Committed a Foul.”
We found the sessions on “Facial Distortions to Emulate Pain” and “Slapping the Forehead to Check for Blood” especially helpful. Of course, anything that involves slapping is very popular in the Duke basketball organization.
Unfortunately, I am not able to furnish you with an autographed photo of Coach K. First of all, he doesn’t like to be photographed unless he can be assured that there is no silver in the film. Secondly, the Leader of Men prefers not to have his name associated with this project.
I hope you understand.