The Apocalypse is Nigh, Tennessee in the Elite 8

Wayne Chism and his logic defying headband will be performing in the Elite 8 for the first time ever.

As a friend of mine suggested, the time has come to stock up on canned food, bottled water, and firearms. The end is obviously near.

The Tennessee Volunteers have made the Elite 8 for the first time in their program’s history. Alan Houston, Ernie & Bernie, Ron “Probably Gay” Slay… None of them accomplished what this year’s Vols have managed.

In doing so, the Volunteers have proven the “addition by subtraction” theory with the absence of All-SEC performer Tyler Smith. As you might expect, having a gun toting drug dealer on your roster is never helpful, no matter how talented he might be. The team field trips to the corner to settle up with Pookie were obviously distracting the Vols from their true potential.

Sure, Tennessee caught a break when Georgetown crapped the bed against Ohio, but the Vols of years past would have figured out a way to screw that up too. Not this year’s Volunteers, though.

Despite having a 4/5 who thinks he’s a 2 and a 2 who thinks he’s already a year late for the league, the Vols have managed to play and win as a team. Believe it or not, they’ve also decided to play a little defense as well. Crazy, I know.

So, here’s a toast to the Mighty Balls. You’ve waited a long time for this. Here’s hoping all the three chucking, pot smoking, gun toting, and chest painting anticipation was worth it.