The Weekend in Haiku

Tar Heel football team
Apparently think they have
Joined the SEC
It is ironic
Tiger couldn’t miss a hole
And now can’t find one
The bases loaded
ManRam sees a single pitch
Then gets himself tossed
Brett Favre throws two picks
Also loses a fumble
Brett’s just being Brett
The Nationals bet
Their future on Strasburg’s arm
Modern Family
Owns the Emmy awards show
Julie Bowen: Mmmm.
Finally football
Will rescue us from August –
Where sport goes to die

The Weekend in Haiku

(Editor’s note: this new feature will appear each Monday.  At least until we get distracted by something shiny.  Or breasts.  Ooh — or maybe shiny breasts. That would be really cool.)

Piniella retires
Cubs say “don’t worry, we can
Still suck without you”

Krzyzewski’s B-Team
Manages to squeak by Spain
(“He look like a rat”)

AP Poll is out
How many syllables does
Boise have? 2? 3?

(Regardless, it’s clear:
BSU’s schedule is weak
Screw Cinderella)

College football starts
Only ten more days until
All is right on Earth

The old gunslinger
Did not even sweat as much
As Chris Collinsworth

Hey, is it just me
Or do you count on fingers
When you write haikus?

Luke Warm Linkage

Someone’s about to get a face full of little swimmers.

After 2009 Nobel Announcement, Frontrunners Pegged for 2010

The Norwegian Nobel Committee started our morning early today with the surprising news that incumbent US President Barack Obama is to be awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize.  Having been nominated for the prize just 12 days after taking office and awarded a mere 8.5 months later, the announcement has caused reactions positive and negative. Some believe that it is acknowledgment of Obama’s message of hope, while others criticize it for rewarding words and not actions. The divided reaction internationally clearly shows that the celebrity of President Obama stretches beyond our national borders and engulfs the entire world. Was this award given genuinely or was it a way to garner publicity? Were the committee members swept up in the hype that they couldn’t evaluate Obama equitably? We’ll never know the motive.

So who can we tag as frontrunners for 2010? It seems clear what sort of direction the Nobel Committee is heading. Here are some possible leading candidates for next year:

  • Brett Favre – beat every team in the NFL in his career, thereby rallying every fanbase in unified hatred against him
  • Michael Jackson – helped us all remember that no matter how crazy and disturbed you are, if you’re talented enough, everyone will forget your flaws when you die
  • Oprah Winfrey – if you award Obama you’ve got to award the person who got him elected, right?
  • Hillary Clinton – because if they didn’t give it to her, you know she would assassinate President Obama in a jealous rage
  • Adolf Hitler – hasn’t killed in over 60 years, and his last living action was killing the most evil person in history

There you have it. Now you know who to come crying to when you’re shocked and appalled by next year’s awardee.

Favre Sets Himself Up to Quit All Over Again

NFL Iron Man and compulsive waffler Brett Favre once again shocked nobody by announcing he will end his brief “retirement”, this time suiting up for the Minnesota Vikings.

“A flame I thought was extinguished forever suddenly lit up again,” Favre announced.  He apparently hopes to compete at the top of the sport again as soon as 2009…where he will undoubtedly throw interceptions at crucial times, get worn down by the end of the season, then hold a somber press-conference announcing that he no longer “has the desire to compete at this level” while secretly exploring his options of coming back for another year, leaving his team and its backup quarterbacks in limbo.

When asked if it would have just been better to announce that he needed some time away from the sport to rest and regroup rather than labeling it “retiring,” the quitter responded, “I’m comfortable in Wrangler.”

The 1-time Super Bowl champion’s return to the game is expected to last forever due to the fact that his abrupt departure and general not being around was the kind of great thing for the world of sports that only happens once.  It may simply never happen again in this millennium.  Well, except for that one other time.