2012 EJSIC Fall Television Dead Pool

What’s the one thing that can bring me out of mothballs?  Bad Television.

Welcome to the 2012 Fall Television Dead Pool

As in years past, we here at EJSIC take our vast knowledge of pop culture – television in particular – and pit it against each other and our reader(s).  We single out the new network show that we think will get canceled first.  And whoever’s show gets the hook first, wins. Simple. Last year’s crop of freshman shows was stubborn, but, in the end, natural selection took over and most of them met their end.  Though, a few didn’t…for some reason.

Anyway, last year’s winning victim, The Playboy Club, eventually shuffled off and less than half of the remaining new shows followed.  Less than half? We can do better, folks.  This year, I am calling for a 100% success rate in new show fatalities.

Yes we can! Yes we can!

A reminder of the rules: simply choose, IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, which new fall network show you think is going to get canceled first. The person who selects the show that is axed first will receive a prize of undecided worth and/or existence. The author will wait until 5 picks have been made before choosing his pick.

Choose well, jerks. Choose well.

(click the shows to learn more about them)

4) 666 Park Avenue (ABC)
2) Animal Practice (NBC) Shiffus77
- Arrow (CW)
- Beauty and the Beast (CW)
- Ben and Kate (FOX) crazyqx
- Chicago Fire (NBC)
- Elementary (CBS) capnwacky
Emily Owens M.D. (CW) Yoda
- Go On (NBC) bucksfan92
- Guys With Kids (NBC) Chuck_Norrisaurus
4) Last Resort (ABC) buergermeister
1) Made in Jersey (CBS) rockchalk010*
- Malibu Country (ABC)
- Nashville (ABC)
3) Partners (CBS) Flop
- The Mindy Project (FOX) GodzillaBJ
- The Mob Doctor (FOX) shocker11
- The Neighbors (ABC) Azcats1993
- Revolution (NBC) brentton32
- Vegas (CBS)

DISCLAIMER: Only new shows on network stations are included. No cable shows, for obvious reasons. Also, reality shows are not included, because it is typically impossible to cancel a reality show mid-season. Once all shows are picked, selection will be closed. If a show goes unpicked, but is canceled, the game continues until a show that has been picked gets canceled. Also, only shows that have set premiere dates are included.  There are many more terrible shows slated for mid-season starts or replacement. If you want to risk it and choose one of those, be our guest.

* – Winner 10/10/12

2011 EJSIC Fall Television Dead Pool

This is one of my very favorite times of the year. Not only do beloved shows return from summer-long hiatuses…hiati(?)…breaks, but, most importantly, network execs give turning buckets of crap into gold one more shot.

Welcome to the 2011 Fall Television Dead Pool

A staggering, if not unsurprising, 74% of last year’s new network shows never made it to that “sure, go ahead and start production on Season 2″ threshold.  Hell, most of them didn’t even make it to that “keep craft services around for another couple of weeks, just in case” point in the life of a TV show.  So, what did the horribleness of last year’s crop of shows teach those brilliant minds who greenlight projects?  As you are about to find out, not much.

I’ve done some research this year that will hopefully eliminate the recurring problem of picking, say, a Love Bites to be the first show canceled only to have it air as a late season replacement (where it was promptly canceled) long after the first shows are laid to rest, thus voiding whoever picked it’s chances of winning the pool.  Unfortunately, that means that none of us get to pick, what could easily be the worst show in recent memory, ABC’s Work It…which isn’t scheduled to ruin humanity until midseason.  For these same reasons, Apartment 23, Scandal, The River, The Finder, Once Upon A Time,  I Hate My Teenage Daughter, Napoleon Dynamite (!?), Alcatraz and Good Christian Bitches Belles are also not included in the poola.  Likewise, the good folks at FOX tend to hold off on some show debuts until October/early November.  So, bear that in mind when choosing.  But, fear not, there are still plenty of “good” picks to choose from. Continue reading

Fall Television Dead Pool Update

Well, the axe has fallen…

A few weeks ago, we unveiled our first annual Fall Television Dead Pool.  Readers and Jerks alike made their picks of which new TV show would get canceled first.

And we have a winner.

FOX has officially canceled the critically-liked, but viewer-deficient Lone Star.

Sometimes the networks get it right. Sometimes....

So, congratulation to elmo.  Once we figure out what your prize is, it will be in the proverbial mail.

Keep those cancellations coming, America!

EJSIC Fall Television Dead Pool

In honor of the dawning of yet another absurdly-optimistic corporate foray into the world of “quality” television, I’m bringing a VJ-”house”hold tradition to the pages of EJSIC.

Welcome to… The 2010 Fall Television Dead Pool

The rules are simple. Jerks and guests, alike, simply choose which new fall show you think is going to get canceled first. The person who selects the show that is axed first will receive a prize of undecided worth.

Last year's esteemed winner

Remember, it’s easy to say that you knew Eastwick was gonna get canned. But, it’s just as easy to be that douchebag who picked Modern Family. So, pick wisely.

Here are your choices: Continue reading

Get Off My Television: A List of Annoying Commercials and People

Below is a list of five things I am tired of seeing on my television. That’s right America, television is possessive. You can have a say in your viewing pleasures and it doesn’t involve just changing the channel. Okay, I just made up that last sentence, but I think you will all agree with me that many of these things are horribly over-represented on TV and need to get lost.

5. Howie Long – a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Long has gained post-career success for his role on Fox’s NFL pre-game show as well as a spokesperson for Chevrolet. I don’t have a problem with Long on the NFL pre-game show because that is his niche, but the commercials have got to stop. The jokes are corny (which I know are not his fault per se) and the monotony of him being on EVERY SINGLE commercial is old. And quit giving us these details about Chevy’s gas-saving vehicles. They ignored America for years and now GM has to pay the price.
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4. Billy Mays – umm, yea.

3. Geico Money Stack – first it was the cavemen (who still make a few appearances every day) and now it’s the all-seeing stack of money. The music in the background is horrible and for dyed linen, it can do everything: throw basketballs, text message, and ominously stare at people. I hate these commercials so much it makes me not want to spend 15 minutes on the phone with the folks at Geico. Just look at the picture below, it’s creepy.
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2. Fox promos – no other network in America promotes its own sitcoms quite like Fox. A typical NFL broadcast with Joe Buck and Troy Aikman is nearly unbearable and not because either one of them is plain horrible at their job.
Joe: Troy, what do you think of the way Romo has played today?
Troy: Well Joe-
Joe: Hold that thought Troy. Remember, Fox’s “Animation Domination” starts tonight after the OT only on Fox at 8 eastern, 7 central. Go ahead Troy.
Troy: Well, Romo has played pretty well today. He hasn’t turned-
Joe: Sorry to interrupt again Troy, but remember to tune in Tuesday for the latest episode of House at 8 eastern, 7 central. Your thoughts Troy?
Troy: House is a good show.
Enough with it, Fox. I do realize every station does this, but it seems to me Fox does it to a degree like no other. Maybe it’s that I end up watching Fox more than the others. Leave a comment below if you have a counterargument.

1. Skip Bayless – I know by typing his name here he has reached the goal he wants: publicity. That’s the only reason he’s even paid by ESPN. His opinions suck, he’s almost always wrong on every topic, and he screams like a little school girl. His skin is dried up like a prune and his attitude is just as sour. Skip’s so bad even Chad Ochocinco knows its. Skip: shut up!
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Do you have a different list? If so, I’d love for you to put it in the comments section. Of course, I could’ve expanded this entry ad nauseum, but these five are annoying me the most right now so they’ll take the wrath of my keyboard.