But some of my actions don’t just negatively affect me. No, others are scarred by them too. Now, I have some family friends who have done quite well for themselves in life. They have a lot of money, a huge mansion down in Georgia, and a beautiful beach house off the coast of Hilton Head. I assume the reason they’ve done so well is that they’re awesome, which is probably the only reason they tolerate me and the things that I do.
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I’m no role model. Seriously, if your children turn out like me, they’ll be happy and well-liked and what memories they’ve been able to retain through the alcohol and drug abuse will be great memories, but they’ll also be on the fast track to Hell. Unless they’re just like me, in which case, they don’t believe in Hell or the rest of that hocus and live a completely hedonist lifestyle with no negative repurcussions.
Now, this family is composed of a husband and wife and two kids. The daughter is my age and we grew up playing “doctor” together. The son is two years younger than us, but every bit as wild and unpredictable as myself. If I had to compare him to anyone, he’s probably like Tucker Max – he’s got money, looks, and a silver tongue. We’ll just call her Tiny and him Tucker.
I’ll go ahead and assume that most of you folks reading this have never been on a private island, so I’ll try to paint a picture for you. First, you have to get there. This particular island has a ferry that runs out there and the ride takes about 45 minutes. There are no cars on the island apart from the bus that takes people and their luggage from the dock to their houses. There are however, golf carts. The island itself has a few courses built on it, with most of the houses being ocean front and the courses being in the front yards. There are a bunch of artificial ponds all over the island to water the courses, which have also been stocked with bass to make for pretty incredible fishing. And of course, alligators have moved in. There can’t be golf courses without a club house and as club houses go, this is the largest, most impressive, I have ever seen. There is a huge dining area, two pools, a hot tub, a gym, a beach volleyball area, and other miscellaneous perks that would sound insignificant here, but when they’re available, you appreciate them.