Unfaithful Spouses Rejoice

If America learned anything from the Tiger Woods fiasco, hopefully it is to be faithful to your significant other. But in case you can’t keep it in your pants or keep your legs closed, do it the right way and don’t get caught with the help of one of the iPhone’s newest apps, Tiger Text.
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The app allows users to control the text messages they send so that late night text about the great drunken sex can be deleted before it gets back to your husband or wife. The app doesn’t help with voicemails (which was a horrible idea in the first place, Tiger), but text messaging is the way of today.

The creators of the app claim that it is not named for the world’s number one golfer. Instead, it is meant as a metaphor to cover your prowling tracks. Whatever it’s really named for, use it when necessary. Ain’t technology great, America?

Chad Ochocinco iPhone Ap Released

ChadJohnson

Chad Ochocinco has always been a forward thinking man of the people. To that end, the EJSIC has learned that the Bengals Wide Receiver has released an iPhone Ap to help you, the fan, make Ochocinco an even bigger part of your life. Not sure if this new ap is for you? Read below for a preview of some of the amazing features.

  • Contact List Chadification - Do you wish all your friends had awesome foreign sounding names like Ochocinco? Well, you’re in luck. The Ochocinco Ap will automatically Chadslate all of your friends’ and colleagues’ names to incorrect Spanish numbers. Angie from accounting is much more exciting as Seisnueve, wouldn’t you agree?
  • Voice Chadslation – Ever wish you were cool enough to refer to yourself in third person in everyday conversations? Here’s your chance! The Ochocinco Ap seamlessly converts all your personal references in phone conversation to third person. For example, “Bob Wilson doesn’t want meat-loaf for dinner again. Can Bob Wilson get some freaking variety every now and then?” Well Bob, with the Ochocinco Ap, your wants and needs will at least sound important to your wife.
  • Feature Chadhancement – The Ochocinco Ap even offers improvements to your iPhone’s existing features. Traditional call waiting and call blocking can be boring and predictable. The Ochocinco Ap only blocks your calls when it feels like it. What’s a restraining order amongst friends anyway? Where’s the fun in your calls always being there when you put them on hold? The Ochocinco Ap will occasionally drop calls even when your signal is perfect.  Calls are always an adventure with the Ochocinco Ap.
  • Additional features include: The “Child Please” Mobile Web Browser that’s specially programmed to filter out all non-Ochocinco related content, the “Get Me the Damn Ball” Ringtone collection with over 300 authentic Ochocinco in-game gripe tracks, the “Upgrade Me or Trade Me” cell phone contract negotiation feature and much, much more.

To learn more about the Ochocinco Ap, be sure to check out Chad’s Twitter page, and Facebook page, and web site, and Ustream channel and… Nevermind. You probably already know more about it than I do.