If you ever find yourself listening to Fox Sports Radio in the afternoon, you’ll probably be subjected to the most irritating voice your ears have ever heard. As he introduces himself for the quick sports update segment at the break, you’ll hear the horrifically annoying catchphrase: “Vic ‘The Brick’ Jacobs… feelin’ you!”

I’ll be honest. I didn’t know who Jacobs was until fairly recently when my local sports talk station became a Fox affiliate. After hearing him once or twice on the already-annoying-enough-because-everyone-talks-at-the-same-time-like-Hannity-and-Colmes Chris Myers show, and actually becoming overtly angry by how irritating he was, I had to find out more. After a quick Google search, I see that he’s some sort of legendary Lakers homer (from Queens…typical) who somehow backed into a radio gig in La La Land. Then he lost said gig when his radio station lost its Lakers affiliation…or something like that. Then it appears Fox Sports threw him a bone because they want to outdo ESPN in the talentless talent department. Either that, or focus groups have determined that listeners now want their sports commentary peppered with faux-Buddhist enlightened hipster bullshit.

I don’t care if I’ve missed a detail or two of Jacobs’ bio here. The point is that he sucks, and that’s all that matters. His voice makes me want to drive a railroad spike into my frontal lobe. Unfortunately, I’m much too much of a wuss to actually follow through. And I have no idea where to get railroad spikes, anyway.

And isn’t radio all about the voice? Imagine Janice from “Friends” with a pair of testicles. That will get you in the ball-park of how ear-rapingly awful this man’s voice is. But that doesn’t take into account what a raging idiot homer he is. It’s bad enough just hearing his voice, even if what he says happens to make sense. But just listen to him wax poetic about Kobe Bryant being a samurai warrior and try not to vomit.

Perhaps this is the best way to sum it up: Jacobs makes Dick Vitale sound like Walter Cronkite. There shouldn’t be a place in the world for that.