The Greatest Day Ever: Part II

March Madness is even more satisfying than Bill Murray.

Closing the books on the glorious masterpiece that was the first day of the NCAA tournament is done with the sweetest of sorrows, but fear not. Just like Groundhog Day, we get to hit the clock and do it again.

Here’s what’s peaked my interest for Day 2:

7 Florida vs. 10 UVA
This has to be one of the hardest games to pick that I can remember. Both teams have looked like top 10-15 material on occasion this season, but neither has found the consistency for that to materialize. Florida is #5 in KenPom’s offensive efficiency and #121 on defense, while UVA is #104 on offense and #3 on defense. It should be interesting to see how this “strength-on-strength” match-up plays out.

Is The Wolfpack Back?
NC State gave UNC all it wanted in the ACC tournament and managed to scrape their way into the field.While the Wolfpack is obviously playing their best basketball of the year, San Diego St. seems to have put theirs well behind them. If C.J. Leslie and the Pack get going, they should have a good chance of not only beating the Aztecs, but possibly making a run at the Sweet 16.

Will The Mid-Major Bug Bite KU Again?
Kansas is a very good basketball team led by a POY candidate in Thomas Robinson. Kansas has also had lots of very good basketball teams that have lost to mid-major teams in shocking fashion. Detroit is no Kansas, but they have size, athleticism, and 5 guys averaging double-digits in scoring. I’m not saying it’s going to happen, I’m just saying…

Here’s to a great day of hoops. Hopefully we’ll see a little more shock than chalk.


1,001 Things Not to Do: Party Fouls

My name is not important. I’m a regular guy, like you and the people that you know. Only with two big exceptions. 1) I possess more ruggedly handsome features than you and 2) Although I’m a generally intelligent person, I tend not to put a lot of thought into my actions, which inevitably leads to getting myself into some pretty weird and sometimes frightening situations. Join me on my journey, where I take you through my misadventures as a guide of 1,001 things not to do.

It’s your typical lazy early Saturday afternoon and I’m doing what most college guys are doing. I’m relaxing on my couch, sitting back, and watching some college football, nursing a hangover with a case of cheap beer. Well, “hangover” may not be an accurate description, as most kids at that age are constantly alternating between a state of “hung over”, “drunk”, “wasted”, and then “hung over” all over again, and you’re never really fully immersed in any one state.

So, I’m hanging out in my room, flipping through the channels on my television, and the UNC/NC State game captures my attention for a bit. My friend Kyle stops by. We shoot the shit for a bit and he makes a suggestion that we should head to Chapel Hill, since it looks like UNC’s about to beat NC State and there might be some celebration parties around campus that night as it’s somewhat of a rivalry. I think it over and it adds up. Chapel Hill’s my home town, it’s about an hour drive, there are flocks of attractive women in that town, and we have plenty of places to crash at for the night. We round up a couple of others and we head out. Chapel Hill, here we come.

The other two guys that tag along are the Nicks, as in they’re both named Nick. I had met them through Kyle, who introduced them to me as “Nick” and “b-Nick”, because naturally one is black and that was his quick fix way of differentiating them. “b-Nick” is not particularly fond of this nickname, which is pronounced “Nick”, just with a slight “b” sound preceding it, but it stuck anyways. Despite the fact that he’s a block of muscle, being a former division one point guard, standing around 5’9 and 210 pounds, and he could rearrange any of our faces if he so pleased, he allowed us to call him that. He’s a good spirited guy, nothing but nice, and we’re happy to have him with us. The other Nick is a smooth talker Jersey kid who spoke as soft and reassuring as the game that he spat to the ladies. He doesn’t look or act like a kid from the shit-hole that is New Jersey, but he does wear a hat either sideways or backwards most of the time to keep in touch with his roots, despite the fact that he’s equally as likeable as b-Nick. We all get in Kyle’s SUV and we’re off.

I decide that now’s a good time to check my bank account and withdraw some cash to see how much damage I can afford in Chapel Hill. We stop by an ATM on the way to the interstate and I get out of the car, waiting behind a very large man who stands at least 6’6. I step up to the ATM, enter my code, and withdraw a pathetically meager amount of money from my shriveled checking account when I hear from behind me “Hey!…..Don’t you know to never stand behind somebody at an ATM?” I turn around and it’s the aforementioned very heavily muscular, tall man that was before me in line. His car’s running and he’s in the passenger seat as his driver appears to have stopped the car momentarily just so his friend could talk some shit to me from the passenger seat. Pffft, I pay him hardly any attention, as I give him an unimpressed sneer, turning back around to grab my fifty dollars from the machine. I had quit the track team last year and I’m now a man of somewhat impressive stature who had been kickboxing for the last year or so….I can handle my shit. I’m a former D-1 athlete in the prime of his life….I can handle myself, right?


Continue reading

The Least Insightful ACC Preview You Will Ever Read

If you’re looking for wisdom, insight or thoughtful analysis, you’re probably in the wrong place. If you enjoy unadulterated honesty and shots at Gary Williams, this is the ACC preview for you.

1. Duke – This Blue Devil team has certainly gotten off to the best start of any ACC team. Not particularly athletic, but more disciplined and mature than their opposition, they have really frustrated their opponents defensively. I still think they flame out relatively early in the NCAA’s due to lack of upside and that an injury to the backcourt would be devastating, but I do think that Duke is the class of the ACC. (post season prediction – Sweet 16)

The face of an ACC Champ?

2. Florida State – The team dubbed as the tallest in the country last year is somehow even taller this time around. Their starting lineup features two seven footers in the paint and a 6’5 point guard. As you may have guessed, this length and athleticism is a cause for concern against teams that like to operate inside. And considering my projected All Conference team has one guard and four forwards on it, I think you can deduct that most teams are so terrible at guard that they will be at the mercy of this Seminole team in the paint, getting shots rejected with regularity. (post season prediction – Round of 32)

3. UNC – As I watched last night’s UNC game on the television, I started wondering aloud about how much easier life would be if I were a fan of a team that didn’t put at least three retards on the court at a time, as I watched Larry Drew wizz a pass right by Will Graves on the wing, who was probably focusing on somebody in the crowd eating a candy bar or something. I still believe that this is the league’s most talented team, but they are also the only team whose coach has said something like this.

“I said, my gosh, this is the 12th, 13th game of the year – 13th game – I said they should be able to do that. We went down the court and two guys were guarding the same person. And that means – and I am really good at math – if two guys are guarding one guy that means that somebody on the other team has nobody guarding them.”

And for that reason, I can’t take them too seriously this year as a threat to make a deep run come tournament time. They’ll be in a closely contested game and give themselves a chance until somebody inevitably does something monumentally stupid and that’s the season. (post season prediction – Round of 32)

4. Clemson – These assholes would have been my #2 pick if it weren’t for that collapse against Illinois. But watching that pathetic performance in the clutch that would make Chris Webber blush just reminded me that a (Clemson) tiger does not change its stripes. This team will start off hot in conference play, start falling apart like usual in late January, be in a complete free-fall by the ACC tournament, squeak into the NCAA’s, and go quietly into the night to the hands of a California or something, never really challenging in the second half. (post season prediction – first round)

5. Boston College – This team lost to Harvard and will still finish top five in the league. Every year, this team completely embarrasses the conference in such a fashion. I really am starting to think that they’re Big East spies, sent from that conference to undermine the ACC at every turn. To be fair though, they are playing without their best player in Rakim Sanders and are 8-4 with a win over Michigan in Ann Arbor, so they’re doing better than what many expected. They should be pretty solid when they get Sanders back. Continue reading