If the Florida Miami Marlins Brass Ran Baseball: An EJSIC Hypothetical

Last night saw the ushering in of a new era of baseball in South Florida.  The newly re-minted Miami Marlins opened the 2012 season playing host to the St. Louis Cardinals in their brand-spanking-new, $515 millon ballpark.

And it’s a doozy.

I’ve made my thoughts known on this ballpark and its inhabitants here before, so I won’t drone on and on in this post about the eye-piercing color schemes, the overgrown bath toy in center field or any of the other “qualities” that set this park apart from all the others. I also will not dwell on the My Little Pony fetus of a new logo the team has donned.

I shall name him Fluttershy Jr.

Instead, I would rather focus on the, somewhat humorous, notion of what other, more understated, teams across Major League Baseball would look like if the owners and marketing folks at the Marlins got a hold of them.

So, we threw it around the conference room and here are some of the ideas we came up with: Continue reading

Get Over Yourself, New York

The first thing I have to say right off the bat: I grew up my entire life less than 30 miles from New York City. A five minute drive from my front door could take me to a spot on the highway where I could see the New York City skyline. I am also a current resident of New York City. Most of my friends and family live here and adore the place. I have an appreciation for the good parts of the city, and am having a blast living here.

But it has to be said: New York needs to get over itself. The most self-aggrandizing, holier-than-thou, self-righteous douchenozzles populate the streets around me, and this is never more apparent than when one of the sports teams wins a championship. Actually, it’s never more apparent than when the Yankees win, the most absurdly self-righteous organization and fanbase in all of professional sports. But it’s beyond the sports. It’s the mentality of the city’s inhabitants. It’s the city’s attitude. New Yorkers like to call it the city’s “swagger”, as a term of endearment. What it really is is an attitude of:

  • I’m tougher than you
  • You could never make it in my city
  • My city is the greatest in the world at everything
  • Wherever I go, it will never compare to New York, and you’re wasting your time even trying to change my mind

Continue reading