Open Letter to the Ohio State University

Dear tOSU,

First, stop emphasizing the word “the” in your official name. No one cares. However, that is not the subject of my letter. I am writing on behalf of the college basketball world today. Why? Why did you have to chuck countless threes in the last 10 minutes of the second half?

I know Tennessee had an advantage on the inside, but did you have to rim out on all of them? It used to be so fun holding the banner of “Sweet Sixteen U” over Tennessee fans, but no more. I imagined a university that holds itself in such high regard could keep the history alive, but I was mistaken.

So thanks, Ohio State, for reminding me why I never choose your athletic teams to win a big game. Was the SEC speed too much for you this time as well?

Sincerely,

America

An Open Letter to Juan Martin del Potro RE: An Unpublished Open Letter to Roger Federer

Dear Juan Martin,

del Jerkface and Federer

Congratulations on winning your first major title in epic fashion at this year’s U.S. Open.   It was a stunning victory and you should be extremely proud of the way you performed.  Defeating a player like Federer on a stage which he had not lost a single match in 6 years is quite impressive.  And to play so well in the type of long match you are not particularly accustomed to playing really added to the already staggering accomplishment.

But, you see, Juan Martin, in the fourth set of Monday’s match, I was prepared for what I like to refer to as “Classic Federer™,”  a phenomenon where he kicks his game into 5th…or sometimes even 6th or 7th gear and leaves his opponent behind, bewildered and broken.  So, I wrote the following letter to Roger as I anticipated his inevitable victory:

Dear Roger,

Congratulations on winning your 16th major title in epic fashion at this year’s U.S. Open.  It was a stunning victory that has helped cement your status as the greatest tennis player of all-time.  It was the cap to a remarkable year.  And, indeed, it has been a remarkable year for you.  You won 3 of this year’s major events.  You earned a career Grand Slam…something only a select handful of players have accomplished…by finally capturing the French Open title.  Then, you followed that by surpassing Pete Sampras as the all-time leader in Grand Slam titles by winning Wimbledon in June.  Now, you have just added icing to your already finely-decorated cake by raising your 6th consecutive U.S. Open trophy.

Frankly, you have nothing left to prove.

So, why not take a year off and rest.  Raise your new-born daughters.  Spend time with your wife.  Take a well deserved break.  And most importantly…give someone else a chance to win something.  You have the records.  You’re still several years from retirement.  What’s one year?

Just think of how much you could get done outside of tennis with a year.  Think about how less sick of you winning every tournament we, the fans, will be after a whole year without you.  It’s a win-win situation, Roger.  Just think about it.

That’s all I ask.

Sincerely,

VJ

But..NOOO.  You couldn’t let me post that open letter could you, Juan Martin?  You had to dig deeper than you ever had in your 20 years on this earth and pull off the impossible.   How selfish of you to pick that moment to prove to the world that you belong near the top of the tennis world.  YOU.  It’s not always about you.

Thanks a lot.  Oh…and again, congratulations.  I hope you’re happy.

Sincerely,

VJ