Check out the gun show over here. BOOM.
Apparently public enemy number 1, Tiger Woods, has had enough of banging the loose women down at his Mississippi sex addiction clinic, and has decided that a select few, hand picked media members will be awarded the opportunity to watch him, live, and in person, recite a statement nearly 4 months in the making.
I know what you’re thinking: “Wow dafunk. That’s a lot of commas.”
I agree. It’s absurd.
Anywho, it is impressive that a man who was once the biggest sports star on the planet [but has since proven himself to be a complete and total fraud] has the gumption to lay down the law like that to the sports media.
Quite frankly, he’s an inspiration to elitist jerks everywhere, and that is why he is the inaugural Elistist Jerk of the Week.
Biggest loser in this whole affair: The public, for being exposed to the thought of Tiger having sex with this.
Biggest winner: Perkins Restaurant. As long as they capitalize on the Lawton/Woods saga by [in]appropriately modifying their current “Breakfast is Just the Beginning” slogan. Its really just, too easy…..(TWSS)