To my fans: I apologize for my long absence. It appears that I might have contracted the swine flu, since I was properly vaccinated against the other flu more than a month ago. But I’m back now and as witty as ever.
Today, in my inbox, amidst the usual offers for a better sex life, $6 million from Ethiopian princes (who knew there were so many?), and a reduced rate on the H1N1 Swine Flu vaccine (it’s a little too late for that), I received the following important announcement:
Slap Your Co-Worker Day is coming October 23rd!!
October 23rd is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday: Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don’t care about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! Here are the rules you must follow:
- You can only slap one person per hour – no more.
- You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
- You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
- No weapons are allowed…other than going upside somebody’s head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
- If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!
Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping on October 23rd….. and have a great slapping day!
Of course, the difficulty with this is that I’m a telecommuter who works from home and often, the people I want to slap, are hundreds of miles away. When I mentioned this to the guy who sent the e-mail, he responded with: “Take that, you swine.”
And life comes full circle.