I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 48

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
I love stories about The King. Some of his antics are just off the wall. And growing up, we’d hang out a lot. This was one of those times. It was during college and we were home for winter break. We had celebrated Christmas and were making plans for New Years. My Captain Kung Fu’s mom had a beach house and she had told him he could go out there for New Years. So, we loaded up a keg and headed off on a road trip for New Year’s Eve at the beach.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.


When we arrived, the house was awesome. It was plenty big enough for a bunch of us to party there and then crash in beds and on couches. And there was a lake in the backyard so we could hang out and have a nice view. There were a few other houses around the lake and some of those also had people celebrating New Years. Kung Fu’s mom’s house had good chunk of property, so the houses were fairly well spaced out. While sound travels well across water, it wasn’t too loud and the other people could hear us making noise, but that was about it.

Kung Fu gathered everyone around when we got there while we were still sober and announced there was only one rule. Nobody in the house was allowed to go across the lake and steal the giant, illuminated Santa. We had all been joking about it, but we were there to drink, so this was a moot point. More importantly, everything else was ok. Sex in any room was fine. No drugs were off limits. You could smoke anywhere you wanted. All beer and liquor bottles were communal and we had all chipped in for the keg.

So, an awesome night was underway. In fact, this was the first of a number of New Year’s beach parties in a row that were all noteworthy for various reasons. I will tell stories about them all. So, we all got to drinking. Most of us started out at this one table playing speed quarters. We were going through remarkable amounts of beer. I won’t even try to tell you all of the people at the table, but there was me, The King, and about 8 other people – both guys and girls. Now, New Years is a time when everyone should try to get laid. And that was my goal.

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I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 56

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
I think it is appropriate to start this story by saying that people use the word terrifying all too often now adays. I blame the media for this. And it got me thinking about what is really terrifying. I’ve had a few situations where my life has clearly been in jeopardy. And only a few of those were terrifying. In some cases, which obviously I will write about later, I’m still unable to wrap my head around the miracle of my survival and maybe when I’m older those events will scare me, but for now, it just doesn’t make sense. In other cases, from the instant the shit hits the fan, I’m well aware of the intensity of what’s happening and the risk to my life or rather, near certainty of my death.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

So, with that, let me tell you about a night in high school. I had a lot of different friends – some were goody goody types, some were jocks, some were druggies, some were just hot chicks. I grew up on the Grateful Dead and anytime I was looking to party, I was also looking for a mellow scene, where if I wanted to smoke up or drop acid, nobody was going to be freaked out. And my cousin was nearly always by my side. I’ve told you about “The King” before – and now it seems appropriate to give him a name he deserves. He’s seriously a great guy and always a joy to be around. One of the coolest, most level headed individuals you will ever meet – compasionate, insightful, etc. And somehow, I have a lot of stories about the two of us being absolute fucking idiots.

So The King and I (like that?) go out to one of his friends’ places. It’s this hippie dude’s house and he’s dating this girl that I hooked up with for a bit. She’s also a hippie. We’ll call them “the dude” and “the hippie.” She’s kind of pudgy but has enormous breasts, which was why at 16, I made out with her a few times. But, never feeling any emotional attachment to her, eventually, I would only hang out with her on nights when we wanted to dose and then have a place to sit back and enjoy it.

She and this guy lived in this tiny little apartment, but when you’re 17, there aren’t many people your age who have their own place. What I didn’t know then and am all too aware of now, is that when you’re 17, you’re a jackass with no marketable skills. So, finding a job to pay for an apartment as a high school drop out is actually impossible. If the police had any brains, they’d find the high school dropouts and just watch them because I bet over 90% are making some money by selling drugs. And as was the case with these two, who mysteriously paid for this apartment while neither worked, they were also dealing.

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I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 47

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
I’m a huge fisherman. I love fishing. I think I like it because it can either be a sport or a way to feed yourself if you get on to hard times. In high school, both of my parents worked hard to always have food on the table, so I was able to just master the sport. I got good at catching fish and a lot of my friends were fisherman too, so we spent a lot of our time fishing. When weekends rolled around, I’d get up around noon, head out fishing for a few hours and then by dark, I’d head back ready to drink more beer – because an important facet to a fishing trip is getting drunk with buddies.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

On this one particular Saturday, I woke up at The King’s house. He lived two blocks from a reservoir that was full of big bass. We’d fished that reservoir so much that we may have actually caught and released every bass in there. So, that led to us getting bored with the reservoir and the known hot spots. So, we started heading downstream of the dam and fishing the stream. It had fewer big bass, but there were better numbers and it was new and different.

On this Saturday, we walked downstream for about 5 miles. It was rough terrain and some of the rare undeveloped real estate in our area. Most of the walk was made right down the middle of the creek because the riparian area was so thick with thorns, growth, shrubs, and other shit. It took about 4 hours to walk those 5 miles, fishing each hole and then walking on. Three of us had gone. It was me, the King, and the All-Star. The All-Star is the only guy I know who went on to play Division 1 basketball. He was an all around terrific athlete though, excelling at everything he did – fishing included.

After we got down to the 5 mile point, we found a concrete diversion dam that didn’t cause another reservoir on the creek but there was a big pond off to the side of the creek. We decided we’d fish that pond and then head back upstream so we could get back by dark.

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I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 41

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
So, after my scare with Federal agents removing my crop of plants, I’m absolutely positive that I would stop doing anything illegal, especially when it came to drugs. Right? That’s a big negative.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions even when they had heard from friends what would happen.

But in high school, when you’re kind of an idiot, you make bad decisions. And this is certainly no different. Having escaped several brushes with the law recently, I’ve learned no lessons.

At this point in my life, I’ve been accepted to college and graduated high school. I’m ready to kill a summer having fun before getting down to the real fun of unsupervised college life. It’s June and I love the Grateful Dead. This is usually around when they’d pass the DC area on their summer tour and like other years, about the time that I’d take off and follow them for a few shows before heading back to my parents’ house.

So, it being the summer after most of my friends graduated, a few of us were heading out to DC the next day to see the Dead play there, then I was going to continue on with a friend, Jailbird, while the rest of them headed back home. But, the proper thing to do on a night like that is have a big party to say a temporary goodbye to all of the losers who aren’t going to RFK Stadium.

I invited a bunch of friends over and had a bunch of beers for them to drink. I had a sheet of acid I was taking with me on tour and a quarter pound of pot. And that’s just what I planned to share with my friends at this party. In my bedroom, I had laid out some clothes, shoes, tapes, cash, car information, etc. to make sure the trip went smoothly. At this time, I’d been heavily dealing drugs for a few years and rather than depositing the money to raise suspicions, I kept the cash in a lock box under my bed. I had taken a few hundred dollars from the box and had it laid out with my wallet for the trip. I also loved collecting Dead bootlegs, so I had made duplicates of some of my best and rarest tapes in hopes of trading for some shows I didn’t have.

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I’ve Been Experienced: Chapter 22

I Have Been Experienced, by Jose Kortez
Table of Contents
I think this week I’ll go with a series of stories about rape. I’m not a monster. In these stories, I was the victim every time. Sometimes more willingly than others, but in all cases, the women were stronger than me and pretty much dictated the evening.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions in the end.

Women always seemed surprised by my actions in the end.

I figure, what better way to tell these stories than chronological order. So, journey with me back to happier times, High school. When nothing mattered, my bills were mostly paid for, and all I really had to focus on was picking up chicks and then getting as far as I could with them. This objective, while sometimes taken to extremes, is still pretty much the focus of my life.

So, this particular time, I was a junior in high school and as usual, was out hanging with my friends. There wasn’t much going on, but nobody really wanted to go home early.

I had a friend who was an incredible fuck up. He was maybe 18 (I was 17) but he was already living in an apartment, kicked out of his parents’ house because he was constantly getting arrested, beat up, or asking them for money to pay for abortions. Clearly, when nothing else is happening, this is the guy you call. If for no other reason than if you sit there long enough, something will go down. As long as you stay out of it, you’ll be entertained.

We show up at his place and it’s like 10:30. It was me and three other guys who went over there. I swear to you, the evening started innocently enough – so innocent that I was drinking milk.

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