You may have seen the infamous “three wolves moon” t-shirt by now. It’s a 5-star product at the electronic supermarket known as Amazon.com and with its appearance in last night’s episode of The Office, sported by none other than Dwight K. Schrute; it only stands to grow even more in popularity.
A little research into the shirt reveals a subculture which believes it possesses mystical powers of sexual seduction. Can this phenomenon really be true? Surely it takes more than a man’s shirt to attract a woman.
As a guy who considers himself fashionable, yet not to the point of obsession and GQ subscription, I always considered the shirt one of horrible taste. Frankly, I thought of the shirt as Billy Madison would: “If I caught myself in clothes like that, I’d have to kick my own ass.” I can picture someone of Native American heritage wearing it or even the super-nerd persona played by Rainn Wilson on The Office, but not anyone of reputable dress.
Now, let’s get back to the subculture surrounding the shirt. To the proud owners, it is transcendent; a sign of power and allure. For evidence, let us look at a few of the customer comments on Amazon. B. Govern of New Jersey writes: “This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened.”
The only thing which could make it better, according to Govern, is more wolves and ones that glow in the dark. Does nothing else say “blow me” to a chick better than glowing wolves on a guy’s shirt? At least, for B. Govern, apparently not.
While our friend B.G. may have been the first to discover the value, he is certainly not alone. T. Guymon of Anaheim, CA is “swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I’m also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt.”
How is this possible? Are the universal laws enough to explain it? Can Newtonian science make another breakthrough (hurry, someone revive Sir Isaac)? It seems impossible to me that the shirt has any powers of sexual seduction, but there’s only one way to find out.
Yes, in the name of humanity, I will be performing an experiment. I will purchase the shirt and wear it in public a few times. I will also report back to the blog with my experiences: the good and the bad. My curiosity is now at critical mass. I must know if the shirt has the power its owners claim. I encourage any reader out there to do the same and to leave your experiences in the comment sections of my updates.
I expect to wear the shirt about five or six times at various public places in order to fully gauge the influence the t-shirt may or may not hold. I will be looking for the following:
- Does the number of females who approach me increase or decrease?
- Does the shirt boost my own self-confidence or change the way I feel when wearing it?
- Does the number of times of sexual intercourse increase or decrease when wearing this shirt?
- Are non-wolf-shirt-wearing males intimidated by my presence?
- Finally, do I achieve greater than normal success in class and work?
Let the experimenting begin. My next update on this series will follow the day after my first public appearance in it. Wish me luck.